Do you sometimes find human communication and human interaction in the workplace akin to navigating an emotional minefield?
Where a few words or actions can be unconsciously received by another as the trigger, the excuse, for an argument?
You may even be in a scenario where you find yourself ‘walking on egg shells’ a great deal of the time.
If this is you, then you know exactly what I’m referring to.
This combative dynamic begins when something is said or done that triggers our ‘unconscious, unresolved emotional wounds’, and can potentially escalate to an all out verbal/physical brawl in the blink of an eye.
And let’s be very honest here…we all have, to a lesser or greater degree, some level of unconscious, unresolved emotional wounding.
Anyone who says they have no unresolved emotional garbage is either in denial or one of those very rare people, who no matter the environment they are in, is able to consciously manage their emotional responses so quickly, and so elegantly, they can immediately transcend their emotions back into to peace and forgiveness.
How do they do this?
By not taking it personally!
They understand so deeply and innately, that the person perpetrating the combative behaviour has to be in great internal pain to ‘inflict’ that type of languaging and pain in the first place.
This rare ‘Zen’ type person is not saying that combative language or behaviour is okay.
Far from it!
What they are saying is to firstly separate (in our minds and emotions) the person from their behaviour.
They know that behaviour is learnt – and can therefore be unlearnt.
In other words we don’t judge the person; we focus on assisting them to identify and take responsibility for their behaviour (and the subsequent harmful results), so they can begin to develop a more conscious awareness of their actions. This in turn can encourage them to create healthier choices to manage and bring about steps for change.
And yes I get this can sound all too simplistic and perhaps even pie in the sky.
The reality is though that each one of us started life as a new born. We were all vulnerable, innocent and defenceless babies once.
Surely we have to ask what has happened to that innocence; that helpless infant, for it to grow up and perpetrate behaviour that is clearly unacceptable and causes emotional, mental and/or physical pain to themselves and others.
Again this is not rocket science.
It understands that people can too often be pushed to breaking point by life circumstances.
We may have little or no knowledge of their childhood trauma and/or current life circumstance.
We do know by their combative behaviour however, that there is great pain within them.
This is not about making excuses for people. It is though about acknowledging the human spirit is in many ways very fragile.
A workplace that understands this, and creates a culture of genuine understanding, by recognising the early stages of emotional triggers can, as a collective, begin the steps for transforming people’s behaviours, through compassionate emotional support.
This in turns transforms their workplace by reducing psychological injury, and ultimately create a more resilient, productive and happier environment.